interludes of life and love
in a dark seedy bar
with burly men with thick muscles & mustaches
yelling at televisions
“what the fuck, play ball correctly you idiots”
downing their beers in one long gulp

you were next to me
i eyed you, checked you out 
with my secret sideways glance
a man with a crooked smile, big hands,
and eyes that so endless
that they’d steal your soul
if you stared into them too long

i think you knew i was looking at you
because you scooted next to me
ordered two double jack & cokes
and slid one next to me.
“for you,”
as if it was a medal for being
the prettiest thing in the room

soon we were laughing 
you liked my smile
and tickled my hand 
with your fingers
i thought you were mine
for one night
but it was only twenty minutes
in the bathroom stall

and

i know you’ve done this before
you’ve made a girl’s body
weep with passion
swell with simple joy
like a jar sitting
under the faucet
overflowing with water
and running down the sides
intriguing

until i’m breathless
my hot sticky breath
smelling like the bottom
of a hobo’s shoe soaked in everclear
into the crook of your neck

you untangle yourself from
my dangling drunken limbs

and tell me,
“see you around.”

and i stare at the smudged
linoleum floor seeing dirt
in my reflection

We hid in the shadows. Momma will never find us, I swore to myself. She’d never find our limbs intertwined like two sticks of wobbly licorice at the bottom of the snack bag that my two year old little sister played with before I left her with our older brother. We would never have to tell Momma we kissed and made lust underneath the sun that kissed the backs of our necks.  But I should stop thinking about her rules— I’ve already been liberated. I feel like a sea maiden who set off on her most recent voyage of self exploration, because I didn’t know what lust felt like until I found you. It felt like waves broke and crashed deep within my twisted soul, twisted like knots that only a boy scout could untie (luckily, you were certified and qualified for this task). You unraveled things about myself that even I couldn’t find, things trapped underneath layers and layers of insecurities acquired over the years. You pushed past what I thought were boyish hips and stick like thighs and made me realize that every curve and inch of my body was, in reality, a beautiful site destined to be lovetouched by someone (you or someone or anyone worthy).

and a song
left her ruby red lips
& tickled ears
half past nine
she caresses the microphone
with little slender ringless fingers
and no one listened to her sulky lines
her washed out melodies
about the world about the lust
that’s captured her heart 
and folded into a neat little box
called rapture 

(and
maybe she’s a little sinner
but she’d proudly wear
that scarlet letter on her breast
and let shame sink
from her body to the floor
if it means keeping the ill-fated
waning people of a century from coming near her)

late
      lazy
           nights
sipping rum & coke
on the beach
the thrill of it all
warming your veins
as the police roll
up
      and
down
the seaside boulevard
and your heated body
is one for taking the risks
you’d never take
“it’s too hot” escapes your lips
and you slide the straps
off your bikini top
the moon’s light shining
dropping down from the sky
onto your skin
and you never looked more beautiful
than you did at that moment
you’re glowing, taking everything off modestly
running to cold cold water
“this is san francisco”
i tell you rationally
“and i don’t give a fuck”
you tell me, stubbornly stuttering on your g

I need to stop thinking about it, about you, about what I expected and about what we could’ve been.